kuta Erika-san announced her graduation.
I thought I told myself over and over again that this would happen one day. I should have prepared myself and when it did I could send her off with a smile.
But I wonder why I can’t restrain these feelings of sadness and loneliness.
More than that, since the time we have remaining is short, I’ve thought countless times that we need to make some memories together, but of course, time, no matter what, I wish it would stop. “How does one stop time” I say thinking about a dream that could never be realized.
“I can’t do my best” these backward thinking words keep flowing out one after another.
Because I love her, I respect her, she was my goal, someone I yearned to be.
Thinking about it now, something that happens once in a life time, being able to meet the person that you call the person you look up to, and being able to be so close to that person the only words that I can say is that I’ve had a blessed life.
After I had just joined Nogizaka46, someone like me that had no skill, no knowledge and no experience, was given the opportunity to work alongside Ikuta-san.
I would always feel extremely apologetic.
Even though I knew I could never reach her, all I could do was chase after her, the desperate feelings I felt back then haven’t changed even now.
But more than back then, I’ve become more myself, the reason I can run towards what I want to do I think is because I didn’t want Iku-san to disapprove of me.
Even though these have been days where I couldn’t stop the tears, I’ve decided that while I’m around Iku-san I’m going to always try and smile.
Even though these have been days where I’ve been having negative feelings, the size of what Iku-san has left behind, as a junior member, I was able to see and feel it from it in person.
There is no way I can be telling myself things like, ‘there is nothing I can do’ and ‘I can’t do my best’.
All I need to do right now is choose the path that lets me live strongly. The path that helps me be live strongly in Nogizaka46. As myself, in my own way, strongly, strongly.
Next, I can’t put it into words and properly express the great feelings of gratitude I have.
The day before yesterday, yesterday, like always, no not like always, more than ever, Iku-san has been closer and we’ve been talking a lot.
Even though we stood nearby in the same area she said ‘we’re in symmetry aren’t we,’ and it made me so happy when she graced me with these words. A moment where she was teaching me the choreography, ‘This is one of our best memories’ she said. ‘What, has it been 5 years?’ she said to me.
For 2 works we’ve been positioned next to each other, ‘it’s our first time next to each other,’ she said something like a lie with a serious face, at that time I immediately denied it and said ‘that not true,’ a couple months later Iku-san said to me ‘I’m sorry for that time,’ .
She suddenly said ‘I want to eat pizza. Make me some〜!’ She thought I was someone that didn’t cook for myself is what she told me, I wonder why she thought that, the Iku-san I just don’t understand.
However, once in a while, please accept this, let’s protect my heart. She said. Since when did these become my words of strength, the Iku-san who would speak from the heart.
Iku-san
I love you.
Mikuma's Nogi Translations 